I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
