A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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