i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
