I feel great
I just peed on a car
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
