Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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