Welp...herpes.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
