I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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