I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize