Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You ruined the universe
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
