im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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