I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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