How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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