He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
