I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
