When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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