You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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