The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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