There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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