i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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