my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
