Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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