I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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