I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
