A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
