Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You pole danced in your parka.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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