so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
