it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
