you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
