I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
