I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
