24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
