i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We got so high we made milksteak
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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