I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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