no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
