But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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