i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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