fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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