Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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