i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just forgot I was standing up.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
