WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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