if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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