I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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