She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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