she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
