We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
