yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
