I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
