Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
