The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
