He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
