The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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