I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize