Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
