You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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