So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
