dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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