is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
