so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
