hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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