Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
