I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Operation Purity has been aborted
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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