I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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