i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
