I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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