i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
if i died would you start the facebook group?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
