I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
