drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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